Wednesday, June 16, 2010

the umbrella cord and the play center.

Considering we are down to 14 days - I thought I better post this email my friend sent me today.

The middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher :



I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself,


but the best "birth" story I know is the one I saw in my own second


grade classroom a few years back.


When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions


with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually,


show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model


airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never,


ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it


in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.



Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid,


takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow


stuffed under her sweater.



She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother,


and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'



'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put


a seed in my Mom 's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine


months through an umbrella cord.'



She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to


laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her


in amazement.



'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh,


Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked


around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing


a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)



'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't


have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie


down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the


wall)


'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case


he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like


psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming


water flowing away. It was too much!)



'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.


They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a


sudden, out comes my brother.. He was covered in yucky stuff that they


all said it was from Mom 's play-center (placenta), so there must be a


lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him


for crawling up in there.'



Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.


I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's


show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle


Wife' comes along.

3 comments:

Dustin and Cassidy said...

What a funny story. Thanks for posting it! Hope things are going well. Can't wait to see pictures of your cute babe when she arrives!

Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh. So funny! I came home today with a big squiggle of ink on my rear (khaki pants). How could that happen? I think a 2 year old wrote on me while I was teaching his Mom last week. I guess I was ignoring him & she was, too. Kids are so funny.

amylynn said...

I am seriously laughing. The play- center!!!! It just shows that you have to be careful what you say infront of kids. They could be hearing just about anything. I'm so wondering what the teacher reported that day in the faculty room. FUNNY STUFF. Maybe I should bring Amber with me and thens he could possibly witness the birth and give her own story to her preschool class in the fall. he he he.